Wednesday, February 11, 2004
Stupid Nicholas
DespEradius @ 3:08 PM
Monday, February 09, 2004
Woot 6A PeEps! I am SO FINAALY TOUCHED BY GODS GIFT!!! HE gAve Me a FriEnd Who LOVes Doing Layout TOO!!!!! THANKS GOD!!! AlthoUGH is a SHe (uh hum!), I stiLL love SHaRing My kNowledge WIth hEr. GOd i feel like crying...finally SEing MysELf in anOther Body. GOd Oh god... i hope this wouLD Be A gOOD FriEnd Like L.c, Lam YY, and Ky , TreASURES OF THE TREASURES.
P.S my eyes are damn watery rite now.
Anywae her webby is something like that:
www.freewebs.com/evanescene
OMG! I JUST WENT TO VISIT HERE WEBBY AND IT iS SO DAmn NICe man ! (Dun tink is she do want) mu hahahaha!GonNA ASK heR toMOrroW mUAHAHAHHAa!! If IS SHe Do wAnt Then I beTTEr KnoCk mY hEAd And DO BeTTEr!!!!!
DespEradius @ 9:52 PM
I found Simple Plan's Perfect. Simple Plan and Busted are about the same . Quite Monotonous their voice. But the songs are quite rappy and neat. Lolz. i like their chorus.
DespEradius @ 9:29 PM
Ok the gathering photos would come up by next week as last week and this week , i am veri busy. Some of you may ask Busy Doing wat? Play and study lohz...lolz...sry..really sry...too lazy too take the digi cam. fix it to the wire, wait for it to download, transfer to folders, upload to server, make some rearrangement, add filter and right-click disabled. I am terribly sorry for those who really want to see the pictures. Especially Cai. Anywae i hate my new english teacher. She made me fail for my compo because i wrote out of point but that was not why i was so angry about, She made a sarcastic noise in front of ME!! Like "snit snit snit" and i was so damn furious at her after that. I MISS YOU ALL !!!!!!!! LOlz !! i am currently finding Simple Plan's Perfect. ROZ MAN. SIMPLE PLAN AND BUSTED ROX MY WORLD. WOOO...I am sO craZy abt their songs (like real)...i just love their songs...lolz.....anywae my klass boys are still talking abt dicks......
DespEradius @ 9:24 PM
Wednesday, February 04, 2004
Today we bake cookies and it was really fun. I spilled lots of flour on the table and had use my hands to stir the dough (i noe alot of ppl will sae eeee but I DID WASH MY HANDS!!!!!) and anywae it taste so niCE! Except to many nuts..yummy!
DespEradius @ 4:08 PM
Tuesday, February 03, 2004
A pikachu layout :) By tomorrow or thursday, You all may get to seee the pictures that i took during the gathering...i will be showcasing then on my blog...so check daily !!! And that doggy picture over there-----> For those who don't know...thats a hit counter......if you don't know what a hit counter is then you are hopeless...
This song makes my tummy ache...it reminds me of the old days...and the blessing memories that i had...almost making me cry....and almost making me slapped myself for being so cruel to break that wonderful memories.....Sayunara memories...
DespEradius @ 8:50 PM
Thursday, January 29, 2004
Ok ClAss I getting better....i starting to understand more people........and i hate maths period. ThAt Stupid Guy i talk about on my previous blog, keep laughing at this two numerals "1+1=" wats so funny? And the rest of the boys (most of them) went hahahahahaha again. SIAo! i think its about the private part again or something dirty. And they even ask me do u have two snowballs and 1 ice mountain? WAT THE HECK??? THATS SO SO DIRTY AND LAME!!!!!!!!!! and they even call themselves lame after a while but then wat happens? They go talking about it!! LAMERS!!!!!!!!LAMERS!!!!!!!!!!
ToDAY NO BanD praCticE sianz.......... whens my first lesson gonna start........ Anywae IT lessons roz and My GEOGraapHy teacher ROXS.......Shes so damn happy each lesson, "lifening" the class.....geography is so cool with her.... Tomorrow we are gonna do "cali graphy " something like that......*feeling bored*
DespEradius @ 3:35 PM
Tuesday, January 27, 2004
I've really got to sae this:
MOST OF MY BOYS In MY CLASS ARE LAMERS!!!!!!!!
tHey think they are cool just by saying dirty words and they made me so pissed off that i would spit at them one day!!! They are lamers i tell you, first-class lamers, even drawing they think until so dirty, and most of them was like haha except for me. Thats what make me so out. I don't know what so cool about talking about ur private part..its totally lame man!! And there this one person who is so damn freaking STUPId THaT I JUST WANT TO TEASE HIM TILL NEXT YEAR! I TELL U! HE is so damn proud of himself...and i don't know why talking "cock" seems to get him round the fame in our class. HE LAUGHS SO DAMN UGLY thAt i jUSt feel like beating him up...and his mouth goES so BIG for about ten minutes and all that come out was HAHAHAHHAHHAHAHHA... and he is so damn freaking idiotic. Stand also must curve the hands on the face...omg!!!!! and they still say i got that qian zhou face!!!!!! OMG!! WAT THICK SKIN~!!!!!
Anywae i am the Art And Home Econs REp NOw so Zhi YIn dun mock at me again...
I MISS ALL OF YOU OUT THERE! 6A U ROZ!!!!!
DespEradius @ 7:51 PM
Monday, January 19, 2004
You raise me up,
telling me life was like a long long string,
asking me to balance at every step took,
If i ever had slipped,
you said you would promised that you be there,
stretching out your hands for me,
and pushing me back up.
As i continue my life journey,
My Fear Is the Height,
My courage is you,
so if you ever is gone,
my heart would shatter like glass.
The string is longer than any old one,
it could cost me years to burden me,
but if i had jump off the string,
and walk the unknown,
i could have my freedom.
But in Reality, if i ever jump,
I knew you wouldn't let me,
But if i really knew myself,
my heart will let go of my goals,
my future becomes a road without an ending,
but what i pick up from that road,
is unique, special, delightful,
and what i pick up on the string,
is beads of sweat, hard work and in the end
a satisfying sweet death with a satisfying gift to take back.
So I need you as the needle,
to knit my life into a collage of wonders,
and you need me as the walker,
to check that every inch of the thread is straight.
To make your life brighter, straighter than original.
Dedicated to my friends (i know you all don't understand lolz....nvm)
DespEradius @ 9:02 PM
Phew! Moi Finish CHobits Anime Layout...haiz...no time to play game liaoz......waaaaaaaaaaaa......... so so sad........anywae the Song is by Josh Groban (excellent singer pupil of Celine Dion, gonna buy his album!!) You Raise Me Up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DespEradius @ 8:44 PM
Friday, January 16, 2004
I have a feeling of getting rejected. Somehow bp starts scolding me bad words and then i have to wait for a long period before my best friend( sort of) replys. I don't know whether i am hallucinating or is just a phobia of getting not noticed. I feel totally terrible. And to add the salt to the fire, i have to go for Band Practices. I really need some answers before i really go domestic. I really need a friend, a true one. But my mouth always go hay wire. I know she hates me for telling the truth , he hates me because of being who i am. So who am i really suppose to be. I don't think i wanna go back to school with old friends. I feel a sense of not belonging , but a sense of e-minus disgrace. homecoming, wasn't my thing. I get pressure with words like other people. i am someone worth getting bullied ( i guess).
DespEradius @ 7:14 PM
Thursday, January 08, 2004
Whoosh! Yipee! I finish this Kelly Clarkson Layout by 2 hours!! Yeah! So happi! Gonna put song soon....
DespEradius @ 7:08 PM
I guess i have a part of my life troubling me alot. Like what li chu had said, some of my friends had actually bad-mouthed me. Calling me all sorts of things, i sometimes feel so hurt, i feel like shouting right across their face. And because of those people, i normally go home alone, go recess alone, go anywhere alone. I never told this to my family cus i thought this is a hill God want me to overcome. Harassment. I feel totally slapped right now, even if i can shout, i never wanted to. But all these weren't much of a burden cus i thought it would be better if i experienced being the rejected one. I normally smile at myself, like this was a movie that i must play apart. My heart is stabbed and i need to look deep into my heart to search for the other me. Now i am the one you all wanted me to be. THe shutup one. I am so quiet that u can't expect me to laugh. I am no longer that happy, i alwaes wearing a frown. only sometimes i laugh. haiz......i am feeling right now lost....i want to walk back...i don't want to face the pain ever aching, ever cramping, in my heart.
DespEradius @ 5:30 PM
Wednesday, January 07, 2004
I miss 6a alot alot alot alot alot alot..........i misss alll of the fun..........i missss u allll......................
LOTSA OF LOVE, HUGGIES, KISSES, SMILES, JOKES
G.Y.Y
P.S I do not noe why The Air Rifle ask me and 4 of my friends in my class to go for The AIr Rifle audition...i dunno why...anyway i did as badly as i could so that i could go Media Club Photography...(LOLZ)
DespEradius @ 8:46 PM
Lets StaRt FrM YeStErdAY.....
Yesterday was the last day of my orientation camp, i was so tired i wanted to go home by 11 0'clock, we sat in the hall and watch a video of Needy Mongolians (whom our School adopted 20 - 26 of them) and then every month we need to pay 60C. We sang R. Kelly's De world's greatest, i believe i can, Mariah Carey Hero ,Lets hold on together and Hokey Pokey.
The hokey pokey dance was fun, very fun, then by night time we had camp fire(rather a failure cause the grass near the fire got burn, poor thing. LOLZ!) Then our class must give an item or maybe perform an item then those stupid gurls in our class wanted a "Jay concert"...wa lau...i was so damn banged on the head......A gurl act out as a jay and she was so damn idiotic and today she got appointed as The Chairman(Monitress) wa seh! Okay the happy thing is that our class won THe BEST CHEER and THE BEST CLASS FOR SC 1 Orientation CAMP games!!!!!!!!!!!!WOO hoo!!!!!! Then we dance the friendship dance...then we marched back to class like an army troop(it was very dark like about 9.3...). OH yar and our principle said that today no need to come early can come to school by 8.30am...woo hoo
OKay about today (first lessons)
Nothing much...came home with loads of homeworks (finish all except a label for home econ...we making fortune cookies!!)
DespEradius @ 8:39 PM
Monday, January 05, 2004
Todae is worst than yesterday.... In the early morning, i assemble with my classmate, sitting beside Vincent num. 2 (there is 2 vincent in our klass) . Then the Dunno wat disciplne mistress, started to talk, bla bla.... Then she started to call in all the late ones then they were asked to stand in one row in front of the parade square for us to see... SECOND DAy OF SCHOOL, and she started scolding them in front of the whole school, then the main principle walk up, and said she want to meet each and everyone of the parents. SIAO. then there was the next scolding, they ban us from Compass Point. So they started scolding one of the gurl who had gone to the compass point to shop or dunno wat.. SCOLD AH SCOLD! THEn next they request the teachers to check everyone of us, about our hair, whether is long or not, THOSE WHO HAD HAIR LONG MUST GO "BARBERING", siaoz...and recess tt time, i saw the boys in front of the canteen, cutting their hair, siao boi!!!!!!!!SO Scary......
DespEradius @ 5:06 PM
Sunday, January 04, 2004
Ok ...since everibodi is writing about their experiences during the orientation camp...then must as well write mine...
Ok our class is called 1E2, the second class. We have 2 counsellor(dunno spell correctly), One called Jay(a gurl), her eyes something wrong and i keep calling Ah ma Jay. LOlz. She very funni lohz...and get bullied by me most of the time....her CCA is St John Amulance dunno wat...she keep asking us to join..saying veri gd blabla.....And there was another counsellor called Leon, hes from the Band, and he plays The Clarinet. He said i had the 'band-look' haha, i dun believe it. Well both of them are funni, kinda of....And yar...there were their Friends rox lah! Danny...From Choir...lolz.....and other...whom i forget...Anywae we had this audition for Choir and i sang as badly as i could and then there was this Fat Boy who look like an ANG mOH....my friend and i called him Macho...lolz...and he got selected for CHoir...wa haha! So we tease him...lolz...veri bad hoh! haiz..... and then we went to see other ccas exhibitions...i tried air Rifle...but failed terribly....in the end i decided to Join Media Club(Photography Section)...Mu haha....lolz...got to improve in my photography.......
DespEradius @ 5:02 PM
Saturday, January 03, 2004
I have decided........i am cuming bck to write my blog
DespEradius @ 5:00 PM
Sunday, December 28, 2003
I jus read kel's blog....i realli dunno why.....why ppl normally judge my expressions like as if i was praising myself...can't sumbodi express the *REAL* inner thoughts abt ppl when ppl do it frequently. Its like me being so damn i diotic trying to explain as hard as i can but ppl still get the wrong idea abt it...its like people expect you to be something u ain't ........like u really want to be now....haiz.......And anywae, i don't quarrel with kelly tt much as she quarrel with other ppl...ok!!!..........as if she wasn't guilty abt herself at all....i dun wan to get in hot soups...
DespEradius @ 3:43 PM
Saturday, December 27, 2003
Msg to Cai:: Ok lah! Veri funni........and the kung fu effects so damn cool...like matrix....I like the kung fu fighter who alwaes pose like an Eagle then went he got hit and he pose again...I *siao* dao ben diaoz...lolz....
DespEradius @ 4:22 PM
Friday, December 26, 2003
I dunno why but i am so damn happy right now. Can't believe Cai went to watch Anna In Kung Fu Land during Christmas, same as me lol...with my sis and my mum...cus my dad went to wedding dinner.....tts so cool...so qiao anywae...
DespEradius @ 6:34 PM
Haiz......I am in hot soup rite now...... in between the heat of angry people....I've decided liaoz....I won't write anything on this blog abt my life anymore, to avoid misunderstandings...but i still be writing others...haiz........so Shi Bai..........
Anywae, sry to kel.......My words must be to sensitive liaoz......zzzzzzzz
DespEradius @ 12:05 PM
Thursday, December 25, 2003
Ok lets skip the bottom subject and talk about what i did yesterday... I went to Rivervale Mall with my grandpa and had lunch there, it was delicious but i had bad breath after lunch cause it was fish...lol!! And then we took 86 bus to my cousin's house. I saw a very very cute Golden Brown Dog......Kinda like Hush Puppies....then i went to my cousin's house and play bubbles....then we went down to cycle..and skate...i was skating but a while later my legs were cramp and my back ached( cus i was holding my little sis bike while she drives me around) and then i changed place with her and then her leg was cramp so my big sis went up to get her slippers. Then she complain that those slippers were too small and i was(reluctantly) forced to wear her slippers, they were painful...ouchie...then we ride our bikes towards the other side of the road where the playground was big and funky....well sort of...so we play catching and 3 little boys join our games... i tried to climb like them and in the end knock my head and got two balukus!!Ouchie....Then we played for a while and went back to her house to get drinks...i pop in 20 ice cubes into my cup..ShioK! Then my litttle sis gave me a yogurt chocolate and then we went into their bedroom to play tug of war.. but me and my big sis keep losing to her little sis and her Sec3 cousin....cus her weight so damn heavy......we haven bathe yet so we all sink...in the end we on the air con and little sis and the sec3 cousin dozen off..while i and big sis decorated the words "Christmas" for the party later.....i was kinda the out one out.....haiz.....Then her mom came home and gave us each a bread to ease our hunger then i went into their brother's room to play Gunbound...i played till night time(still haven bathe) finally i gave up and went to bathe.... then when i came back , it was totally chilly as i had a cold bath and entered into her brother's coldest room...to see that they changed the game and played BattleField...kinda of interesting....and then their other cousin's came... The cutest of them all was a small boy who was so damn cute...he loves Power Ranger...and that time when i went to their house and he wwas so spell bound by the movie.. that we started acting like them...but in the end i kept cheating and he was rather mad....but his voice was damn sweet when he called "Gor Gor"....ok we go back to the Christmas Party... They had buffet (the crispy prawns were nice) and then i had to go home at 8 sumting(so damn early) I got two presents cus most of them didn't noe i was coming...sort of i was the unexpected guest.. then i went home upset that i came home that early and watch Christmas Wish... while watching i ate 1 pack of seaweed, 2 packs of biscuits, 1 Yakult....then after that i had Vanilla Swiss Almond Icecream...Yummy.....then after that i was still hungry(cus i did't eat much during the buffet) and then ask my mum to cook some pizzas for us all...... It was delicious...Then i stayed up late with my mum to watch the Green Mile...nice..quite touching...then we changed channel to Channel 5 where we watch...dunno wat Velocity...rather nice to...in between the show...my father woke up at 1 am and join us to watch....than we watch another show called Mr Winterbourne....beri funni...then i was too tired and at 2.55am ....i went to sleep and TODAE i woke up at 1 pm sharp.....no breakfast but lunch...lol!....THE END.....lol
DespEradius @ 1:36 PM
Maybe i shouldn't put this word 'changed' in front of her...(sensitive) i guess...Maybe i just tell her...my mind can't see you anymore...something like I don't understand u...so damn blurly....i can't even noe what u realli sae is the truth...is that what friends do...i guess i am a failure trying to understand most friendships......a failure yet can't put words to each feelings...its just that i don't know you anymore......i guess its an end...no need to sae much.......no more of her in my mind....no more of me in hers.....thats all...it will worked out ....make each other happier....that wae...theres no turning back rite now to revive that friendship...i took a step wrongly at 1 Jan 2002 and i noe it.....i forgotten about her...her feelings....
DespEradius @ 12:59 PM
Wednesday, December 24, 2003
I dunno why, but this thought keep knocking on my head. Why am i still her friend? I wouldn't like to say her name cus i am quite scared of her actually. Shes changed thats what keep me away from her. We no longer talk much during meetings and never ever chat(mostly). But why just why I still say shes still my friend? Its like shes just a stranger, no more of that friendly her anymore. Its like i can't let go the old her, and still imagine it the old her. I guess its different now. No longer friends anymore...no longer her...no longer me...
DespEradius @ 10:38 AM
Tuesday, December 23, 2003
Went to new Sec School todae ......haiz....got totally embarassed by my parents.....they keep asking people around me...wwhat school they are from...i almost felt like running awae...but now right at that moment i'm thinking of my friends...missing them....i saw Mason, Jasmine, Jia Hui, and an old old friend, Stanley. Change alot...zzz......
DespEradius @ 11:51 AM
Monday, December 22, 2003
If one day you brushed past me without knowing,
would u ever care that i was missing you,
crushed beneath ur bond?
So how did you expect to forget me,
when i can't even let you go.
---------------------------------------------------------
When you reached 15yrs old,
would you still play with me chess till dawn?
When you reached 18yrs old,
would we still be hugging each other or would you be gone by then?
When you reached 21 yrs old,
would we still be watching horror movies at midnight till morning?
When you reached 24 yrs old,
would you still hold my hand, comfort me when i'm sad?
When you reached 27 yrs old,
would you be there under the rain, helping me to pick up my books?
When you reached 30 yrs old,
would you break this friendship for love?
When you reached 35 yrs old,
would you work like mad and forgot about sending me Christmas Cards?
When you reached 40 yrs old,
Will you tend to your kids and forget how we played together like them?
Will you?
DespEradius @ 3:14 PM
Saturday, December 20, 2003
If one day u look up the sky,
and dreamily drinking a cup of hot coffee,
If , that moment u felt someone was watching you and you can't find who,
its just me, worried about you, missing your every move you make,
If one day you walk down the street and felt lost and unsure,
think of me, the smiles that i cast upon you, the tears that make you so hard to forget,
I will be there alwaes, even in your darkest moment, even if i wasn't physically there,
make it in your mind, the memories i gave you shall give you the sweet comfort of friends.
Shall this friendship be the bond for our survival, the insurance of our life, and the pick ups car that ran across the unwinding road of life.
Making Life that wonderful to indulge in, that soft to sit on, that sweet to remeber, and that sticky to forget, to get away.
So life is not just that stressful, that sad, even without friend theres a imaginary you in there,
keeping you like a small bucket full of shells, like something so important,
and when you pick up those shells,
you hear the sea whispering peace to you,
at that very moment you get that tickish feeling,
like inside you was jumpy ready to burst into a fireworks of colours.
So why don't just smile, even if you get backstabbed,
even if you just lost a friend, a love one, and many other painful things.
Cause you never know what is watching over you,
praying to make your life that long and sweet.......
Written by g.y.y
Merry Christmas.........
DespEradius @ 1:03 PM
Friday, December 19, 2003
I opened the door and had a 180 degrees of look around......Not much people had changed....Eliz and L.C had their hair style change...Kel wore her contact lense and a pink jacket(to me she almost look like my old kindergarden friend!LOL)......Lam YY had a straight scratch across his face and a bald head which i don't think its funny at all......Emily grown alot taller than last time.....Julia and June grew much more "energetic" and the rest were still the same......Each game took such a such such long time that we only played 3 games and everyone was saying bye bye .........I haven't talk to her yet...so it doesn't really bother me......AND kelly who were u calling when u shouted si zhu? Whose attention are u attracting?
DespEradius @ 9:01 AM
Thursday, December 18, 2003
haiz.........i die sia.........u see....... that clay eggs i thought of making wasn'tt sucessful so ......die lohz
DespEradius @ 9:43 AM
Wednesday, December 17, 2003
Put Ur Mouse over the picture and see what happens
What Finding Nemo Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
DespEradius @ 11:34 AM
I actually had found a website for chinese midi(no words) but every song was so nice. This webby is now playing renne Liu Hen ai Hen ai Ni. Then maybe next week i will be playing S.H.E (midi) Mo Li. Then next week i be playing Zhou Chuan Xiong, Hasayaki, then after that is either S.H.E(midi) ai qin de hai yang or 5tion-->more than words.Then lastly would be Gigi Liang Mo Huan Zi Jie...........
DespEradius @ 11:21 AM
I'm still in a hurry to finish the 8 presents i wanna give to my fellow 8 friends....haiz.....Kung Yin Not there how.... anywae...i can't think of any boys to give..........I dun think dey will cherish it tt well....especially 3 of them in my mind.....does ruff ruff ones...bette dun give.........lol
........haiz.......
DespEradius @ 10:56 AM
Tuesday, December 16, 2003
Renovated the site......copywrite.....
Anywae Merry Christmas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Song: Winter Wonderland
DespEradius @ 2:13 PM
Monday, December 15, 2003
I am now bored to death...alone with my grandpa and staring as hard as i could on the computer screen...haiz.....i have to reinstall a game and now i'm waitin for it to download....its onli 2% and i'm really fussed up right now...anywae i watch a VCD jus now...A walk to remember...its a love story...quite touching.......and i love it........hehe :0
DespEradius @ 4:20 PM
Sunday, December 14, 2003
Ok...after reading her blogger posts...i got really fustrated. Why overreact on things that i wrote...is wat i think...is not the truth.....need not get pissed off....
DespEradius @ 1:28 PM
Thursday, December 11, 2003
I am rather puzzled by people who believe in Gods, i dunno why but to me its like something that is never there. I just really don't get it. Why do people burn their money just to respect someone that dey dun have proof to be existing in this world. If heaven was there, angels was there, there be God. But i don't see why people believe in it so MUCh, that whatever troubles dey have, they ask for God. Can't they solve their problem by themselves? Its let a baby clinging to its mummy forever. I don't believe that God exist but sometimes i do, in the past. But when i was in P5, i learn that whenever i pray to God , he doesn't make light to the problem, even if i sob and praise him everyday he doesn't help me at all. So i gave up that dream of wanting God to make light to my future, instead i did it by my own instinct, and i did it.
I wanted to tell this to the friend of mine. I noe that she trust God alot and let God in to her heart and i know what she is doing. God to me doesn't exist, its we who made that God up. But sometimes its good to have an imaginary God living in my heart. It seems to me that someone still cares for me, someone still loves me but all in all, God i someone i dream of like a Father of hope, love and care.
DespEradius @ 10:32 AM
Still mad at my mum for being so.........*rude* and more *ruder*
P.s Can't waitt for 18th of dec......can't stop thinking about my new school.......*worried sake*
DespEradius @ 8:27 AM
Wednesday, December 10, 2003
I hATE mY MUM. Lets see why?
Why?----> She lost 3 disc of mine which contains my fave songs, all my class photos(hate her for that) and videos(even more)and some data files i collected all THESE years.
Excuse---> She said after i burn finish, i didn't write any name on the disc to say it was mine. So she put them in the "not yet burn disc place', now i cna't find a single disc at all....
I HATE HER !!!!!!!!!!
DespEradius @ 4:57 PM
I am simply falling in love with this new blogskin....i dunno why but its like my trueself, being me. The sky is so much like what i dream of when i see heaven...its peace, total peace....
DespEradius @ 2:51 PM
Saturday, December 06, 2003
I did a overall change to klucky6a and i thought was it better?
After all it had a hard time loading.
But why can't i appreciate it...somethings bothering me that make world so meaningless, like a whitered leaf rottening in this world. Was my existence once again terminated or had i just glanced upon my another side. I feel tired right now.
Very tired.
After all, i did what i could do to make that blog perfect but in the end it looked something like a plain paper, recycled.
how much time it cost me to finish it up isjust plain waste. I dunno why. and i dun want to find the reason. Like inspirations coming towards your head. You never wondered why it came to you and it never bothered you.......it just came out the best it could be.
The very best.
DespEradius @ 4:16 PM
Thursday, December 04, 2003
After reading l.c's blog, there is no need to remind me when i changed, how i changed everi now and then. But if doubts kept me reminding we are another kind again...i guess it is hard to prove to you that we are realli best buds. If my vision is so blur that i even fainted that morning, its maybe because i am too blinded, too confused, too angonize by my feelings and too much pressure surging through my blood. i am just a mordant boy in this class, a one who doesn't quite noe wat his doing....so never ever put trust in me again....until i find a new core to hide.
Sometimes when i think of P4 in my dreams, i cry for a few hours hoping todae was that dae. Sometimes when i woke up in P5, and when i go to school, i started thinking of the changes, and i puke in the toilet, sobbing like mad. I never did tell anyone before, so the reader please let this be the light to what you think of me.
If you have any doubts in me or i have in you, then this friendship is like the sea getting soak in sponge. It gonna fade alway slowly, but if i still have trust i guess we still can squeeze out the salt water, but never blame me, if one dae i couldn't recognise u on the streets cause water can get evaapourated like friendship can dissolved without knowing....
DespEradius @ 9:58 AM
Wednesday, December 03, 2003
Why do i see the daylight gone?
WHy do i see the stars falling?
in my city all over again.....
Something is amiss in this world, somthing that i knew long ago,
Why did the road seemed so stiff?
WHy did the air seemed so tense?
Why can't i see the sun?
Am i that blind?
DespEradius @ 10:36 AM
Tuesday, December 02, 2003
I am goin to my cousin house soon..........
-------------<<<>>>><<<>>><<<>>>
Just read finish l.c's blog.......(no comments)
Just having a little doubts about her...........
DespEradius @ 12:20 PM
Monday, December 01, 2003
I just cried......
DespEradius @ 10:18 AM
There is something,
that everyone is waiting for.
Nearby, faraway, wherever it is.
Its waiting for you to pick it up.
DespEradius @ 9:33 AM
So did they say?----->
Shes so lovely, shes so smart,
but did she did it all alone in the night, maybe
i'm just asking myself to stop->
Thinking about that person.
How she made it,
How she dreamt of it all the way to noon,
How she desired ,how she drooled about it,
and how it came true in the end...........
What if she didn't and,
What if she stop for that moment...
did she win for summer, winter, fame?
did she do it all by herself?
did she?
Somethings wrong when i look up the sky,
the stars are not align like normal........
when they shine so lovely , powdered by moonlight,
is it, somethings wrong with me?
So if there is a wrong in me,
how could i change it ,
tell me, how???
DespEradius @ 9:19 AM
Song by Britney Spears, Lucky........
--------- - - - - ->> *>>*>>>*>>
Todae is an early day , i just hope l.c would come online( i noe ur dere), just send a message, a reply maybe, i 'm waiting, and i'm going offline soon..........:(
DespEradius @ 9:13 AM
Sunday, November 30, 2003
GoT pRobLEms?
--------->ReFresH iF U see The WeBpaGes hAving words behiND the background........
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So when do i stop crying at least? Answer me.....my eyes are swollen now.....my chest is so tired.....and my nose just felt like sneezing.......
DespEradius @ 7:59 PM
--------->I dunno whether really did i lost that best friend of the best, i dunno why i had make myself to let go such a treasure yet i still feel somthing is clutching me and taping me back into the fantasy. So why? did i make this choice to step out of that fantasy and get into reality where my heart keep panting for that dream? The strong words felt like water rushing down into my throat, i much couldn't let go that friendship, am i that weak, feeble to do it? Why can't my instinct bring me back to the past, where the smiles were everlasting and the forging friendship kept growing stronger. Why did i have to make this one step to break it once maybe i have to face the fact..........I am no longer the same, the quiet one, the more unspoken people in the class, like standing in a dark corner wanting to get out. SO? did i do it then, the now me, in the ocean when a storm strucks? I am troubled, i need someone to enlighten me up, someone who i knew long ago, who know me better than me knowing myself, i need him/her to lend me a helping hand, but i can't find him/her. So where did that someone go? <----continue......----->
DespEradius @ 12:40 PM
Did that someone had just brushed off within my eyes, like the wind which i can never catch it, so how do i take it? Breathe it down my neck? Have i did something so wrong that my friendship rot like hell, if thats so i can't change it back, i have to bury it, what if it never rot for once, would light make it happen again, like a rolling tornado gathering back everything in its power? I'm lost, i need a 'cab' to pick me up, and drive me to a remote area.........i need it........now......maybe digging into games wasn't a thing to ease my mind, wasn't the thing to forget the past, make it gone foreva.......it was memories that could stay permanently in my brain but how could this lump break my confidence, how.......am i suppose to face the fact that i am still there, back in the past, where now i am just getting thrown off course by the tidals waves, so tell me whether have i make a mistake to stay in the past, that kept me unknown to whats happening around me.......
DespEradius @ 12:37 PM
Saturday, November 29, 2003
Missing Friends CHarts
--------------____-----------
Felicai, Zhi YIn, Kung Yin --->100%
Julia, Emily, Kelly---->99%
---------------------------------------------------------
The world has changed so much these daes that i don't think i wanna see the next daylight. I just lost a best friend. who taught me so much in P4, and now i lost my self-confidence, i don't think i wanna feel the power, the confidence back in myself, i could hardly feel my fingers moving as i type these words, i don't think i wanna live, breathe for another second. So much have changed, withered without my knowing, and some people kept saying, they miss my old self, the quiet one.
My best friend has just become a stranger, someone who i have so much doubts that the kept me fury, kept me dodging her everytime i see. I dunno why, she just become so ........new so......proud. For one moment, one tear just rolled down my cheek.......is this the ending of our friendship? I guess so......but one side of me keep wanting that friendship but i don't want it now, i believe i can see light, the truth, she is not my friend anymore and i am not scared to say it out loud.
DespEradius @ 2:30 PM
Friday, November 28, 2003
Todae has the normal boring useless morning where i sit in front of the screen, scanning across the many files just to play a game. I woke up early todae because of my grandpa, he talk like God voice, so loud, so hoarse that i could feel vibrations, sound waves coming all over me. Haizzzz.................really feel very tired right now........
DespEradius @ 9:09 AM
Wednesday, November 26, 2003
Graduation day was over. Passed like dropping feathers or maybe bird shits. I didn't get a chance to hug all of them gd bye but it was all ok. actually i realli feel like crying for once and i dunno y. Maybe i can't bear my P4 yrs with L.C, Ben, And jaslyn, and my P5 yrs of crying in school after many shock attacks i received and maybe the one second in heaven when i fainted in hall during P6. But i realli thought of wat i could realli cherished..........and give in return......i thought of giving a kiss on the cheek would settled it but civilised people in singapore dun do tt so abort it.........
I did a class video but i dun think anybodi paid much attention to my work. I got a little bit heart-broken. I guess my existence in class never got better after all. I realli miss my P4 yrs..............realli............i would realli like to blew a kiss to my fwens but my vow tells me until.....15......maybe when i'm 15 i will kiss them..........lol!!!!!.......jus jokin.....maybe....
I tink i am stupid......veri stupid..............am i?
DespEradius @ 8:54 AM
Wednesday, October 29, 2003
I couldn't put in the entire story as it is too long so i chose the last part that i wrote...... haiz....and now the bg( the dog and stones) are in another website so high chances are it will dissapear by tomorrow.....hope it doesn't....anywae Kelly is really very idiotic... She listed a game called Magneto and it was suppose to be writing to secret chosen people but she force people to say out them. Maybe i got it wrong or correct, i don't quite noe..........
DespEradius @ 3:42 PM
I am making this new blog as my old one is been hacked...argh! whoever is doin tt is stupid to corrupt my blog.... my stories are all gone perhaps not yet...I would be transferring the whole story to this website...i hope it fits in......anywae i would still be talkin abt life and continuing my self-journey to my destination....
DespEradius @ 3:39 PM